WARNING: any of you who do not wish to hear about the urinary and gastrointestinal tracts of carter tyrell smith, or any who would think less of me for discussing such topics publicly, please do not continue reading. tune in next time for a much more appropriate topic.
i have been blessed to have spent a lot of time with both my maternal and paternal grandparents. we grew up in the same town as grandma and grandpa lee, and were able to visit grandma and grandpa smith (yes i too have grandparents smith, not to be confused with tyrell's grandma and grandpa smith, or my in-laws) very frequently. i really feel like this has been a blessing in my life. grandma smith has a few sayings that i will always remember. she used to call us 'polly-waags', (for those of you who do not know what this is... it is a tad pole), and she also used to say that she was going to 'trade us off on a new model' (or trade us off to the indians, but for the sake of political correctness-not that political correctness has ever meant anything to my family- we shall stick with 'new model'). this phrase was used to tease more than threaten and i was thinking about it last night.
i have only been a mother for 13 days and already i have a complaint. let us preface my complaint with the recognition that carter is a great baby. he only really cries when he is hungry or wet, and even then it is more of a complaining grunt than an actual cry. he sleeps pretty well and is content to just hang out while he is awake. i am grateful for all of these things, but there is a problem.
as discussed in the previous post (which probably indicates that this subject has been discussed too frequently) i mentioned that tyrell lives in constant fear of the baby urinating on him. while i was poking fun at tyrell's concern, i now know that it is a legitimate fear. and due to my failure to provide carter with some healthy respect, he has felt it necessary to teach me a lesson.
it happens at the 3-4 o'clock am feeding. things go as usual, we nurse on one side, burp and then change the diaper. once i have peeled away all his layers and get ready to change the diaper, i stop to make sure everything is in place. diaper open and ready... check, wipes open and ready... check, and then we begin. it is at this point, the point where i am done cleaning him and ready to put on the new diaper that he puts his plan into play. first, he begins with a nice urinary water works display (i am always impressed with the distance) and then, just because he can, he also finds it necessary to move his bowels... everywhere. it inevitable gets all over him, me, and his clothes and a bio hazard wipe down and outfit change are in order. even i pull out the bleach to clean up the code brown (or in his case yellow).
i have had the privilege of experiencing this not once, or twice, but have thrice been the victim of carter's evil ploy. now, i can only hope this is not an indication of his future potty training days, if the kid can not even figure out the basic principles of the diaper, then we are going to have huge problems with the toilet. i mean really, how many minutes of the day are spent un-diapered? 5 minutes maybe, perhaps 10 on a bath day? how is it possible that he is able to time these episodes during those five minutes?
now perhaps this discussion is inappropriate but i submit that it is carter's behavior that is inappropriate, you be the judge. so last night, in the wee hours of the morning, i remembered my grandmother's famous phrase, and thought that perhaps this was the appropriate time to 'trade him off on a new model' :)